Wonderland's Under Seige

Master of my Own Domian.

2009-11-05T13:41:00.000-08:00

I find myself wondering things that I know aren’t right for me to think.
I find myself fighting dreams that I know I shouldn’t dream.
I find myself thinking thoughts I shouldn’t think.
I find myself having feeling that I should not feel.
All I wish I could do is run and hide away from you.
But, alas I cannot for fear of destroying everything I touch.
I try to hold onto whatever sanity I have left, but the meter is running out.
I guess I need to put more coins in the slot, to keep from the loony bin..
I still don’t know how I can put myself through this intense flame.
Finding feelings that I thought were chased away by ice, seem to simmer to the surface and burn through me.
I run and cannot hide from them, they bombard me with endless torment.
But what am I to do, they say the heart feels what the heart feels!
If my heart won’t stop these foolish feelings
Then it needs to be carved out and put on the shelf were it belongs until the day that I can truly be the master of my own domain.

Falling up and hitting the sky!

2009-10-29T08:35:00.000-07:00

You glare at me
With a hand over the bottle
The bourbon used to gently burn
It’s way to my heart
Time pierces my mind
Wondering where we went wrong
You begin to pace back and forth
Caged animals are we
People staring at us through the glass
You stand back akimbo
The glare became furious
Tracing the glass with angry fingers
I brace myself for your bombardment
Nothing comes just more silence
We stare at each other
You start to move luscious lips
They stop and a straight line reappears
Following our glance
I see the little blue box marked Tiffany’s
On the table next to me
Tears fill my eyes
And I know
All you want is me
To testify

This is an old poem that fits right where I feel I'm at right now. Do I testify to someone that I have a problem or do I just ignore everything? I'm just really confused at the moment.

Back on the plain of suck

2009-09-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

Hello, I hate being on this planet right now, It’s too complicated for me. I can’t seem to get anything right and at the moment I think everything would be better if I wasn’t part of it anymore. But, I am not suicidal, I’m just tired of all the shit that gets dumped on my lap and when it gets too much for me, I freak out and say things I don’t mean, but I guess that doesn’t matter because I’m a complete bitch and no one seems to care about how I feel.

Countess Elizabethe Batory Poem

2009-01-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

send your virgins to me
i'll take great care of them
bring your virgins to me
and i'll make ladies out of 'em

it's been years since they've been seen
and i've been looking younger every day
I don't know where they've been
but, aren't you happy this way

send your virgins to me
i'll take great care of them
bring your virgins to me
and i'll make ladies out of 'em

you are getting suspicous
of all my dealing with your girls
but they are very delious
And i love my pearls

send your virgins to me
i'll take care of them
bring your virgins to me
and i'll make ladies out of 'em

toss them over the edge
follow my rule
no one will be able to judge
you because i rule

send your virgins to me
i'll take care of them
bring your virgins to me
and i'll make ladies out of them

they lock me in to my room
the walls are growing closer
i'm all alone with my gloom
as my sanity is darting to grow dimmer

send your virgins to me
i'll take care of them
bring your virgins to me
and i'll take care of them
because i am Elizabethe Batory

Crazines and Postal

2008-10-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

There are a few things in life that drive me crazy... they are 1. Stupid people. 2. Retardedness for those that have no mental problems. and 3. People that talk baby talk to their dogs. I work at a vet so I deal with all three of these topics constantly. I have to let you people know...Stop with the STUPID!!!!!!! Please or I might end up going postal at work and I really need to keep my job!!!

Drugs and Religion

2008-10-23T18:32:00.000-07:00

I was talking to my Anthropology teacher today about the difference between religious and nonreligious use of psycho altering drugs today. He told me that the drug used for religious proposes is a completely different form than the stuff you buy on the street. It made me think… if you are looking for higher quality drugs do you say your using it for religious proposes or not?

I think not. I mean I don’t think Cross-Eyed Bob down on the corner, has a different pocket for religious drugs. That way when he gets busted by the cops he can say: Hold on Coppers I’m only selling to the Father from Sacrificed Heart. It isn’t like I can say to Mr. Officer I swear I only use the cocaine to see Jesus! It just seems really strange to honor someone if they use drugs for religious shit, but oh no, not for the fucking thrill of it! I have to admit I have been stoned a couple of times, it just wasn’t for me. Do I tell people that I know that do drugs that they re endangering others as well as themselves…of course, but I don’t do it in such a bitchy manner. I do it in a humorous manner that way they know that I’m just pulling their leg!!!!!

It is hard for someone to believe that people use drugs to see their gods in the universe around them, but if you don’t use drugs to see Jesus are you truthfully seeing him or are you just imagining it? I believe that do what ever the fuck you want to…just don’t fucking come to my home and tell be that I can’t have a true religious experience without something to calm me. That is what meditation if for you dim-wits.

Any hoo my class is driving me insane I don’t know if I want to fucking laugh out loud of scream from the fucking insanity of the teacher’s missed conceptions of the entire universe.

2008-10-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

Send me your Virgins /I’ll take care of them
Send me your Virgins /I’ll make ladies out of them
Blood will rain /From their veins

Okay so onto other things. I was thinking at work Sunday (I know not a good thing) that I really don't fit into any group of people my age. I stay all day long being me and who ever someone wants me to be. So Saturday night I went and saw Scion of Avarice (a local band) at Earthspin Skate Shop in Oroville. It doesn't help that my two oldest friends are dating members of the band! The band is a Goth Metal band and I was actually surprised that I liked them. But I guess if I’m friends with them on myspace and my friends are dating a couple of them I should at least get to know them.

I knew most of the guys, but one of my friends made it a point to introduce me to everyone all over again. I hate being the girl who no one knows and she doesn’t really fit it with it. But, I went to Hot Topic a couple of weeks ago to get something to wear and I almost threw up in my mouth…since when did the fucking GOTH store turn into a Pink colored hell!!!! I guess a couple of years ago and I was still okay with pink…

Onto my original topic. I was talking to my friends boyfriend and he wanted to know what I looked like (he’s Blind). I told him the only decent description that I knew. I’m a little pit country, and little punk, and a whole hell a lot GOTH!!! So if I was to be put into any group it would probably be Goth. At work they are always asking me if I’m EMO and I’m always…no I hate emos. I’m sorry if I offend anyone that’s emo, but all the emos that I met have always been bitchy little girls and I don’t understand why. You have your own new store cause no self respecting Goth will go near Hot Topic!!

me

2008-10-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

I am really bad at these things. I am currently going to College to become a Vet Tech. Which for those that don’t know that’s like a nurse for animals…its actually surprising how many people don’t know that. I have a few things that I love to do: act (I think I’ve wanted to be on stage since I popped out of the womb), sing (to let you know I do sometimes break out into song^^’), help take care of sick animals (why would I want to become a vet tech.), and take photographs. I love photos I’m not that great, but I have fun with it.

I have a page on Deviantart.com it’s http://alicefromwnderland.deviantart.com if you ever want to check it out! Please do. I really put my heart and soul into each and everyone of those pieces of art.

My favorite color depends on the day, so currently my fave has got to be…blood red. Not to dark and not the kind that is currently flowing through my veins. The kind in Movies.

My favorite breed of dog is Border Collie, because they have got to be smarter than me…and if anything is smarter than me I’m defiantly a fan. My second favorite is a Great Dane.

The books I am currently addicted to are the books of the Twilight Saga by Stephanie Meyer. Great Books cannot wait for the film to come out…December 12!

स्पोकेन लैस एंड व्हिस्पेरेड त्रुथ्स.

2008-10-10T16:50:00.000-07:00

It was many years ago, when I was about twelve when my Father started realizing that I wasn’t a normal girl। He started having me go to this “doctor,” he was a head doctor. He was always asking me what I was feeling. It was hard for me to say, ‘What are those?’ he always thought I was joking. I started noticing feelings after my fifteen “meeting” with him. I wanted to kill him; he ruined my life. One meeting he had my Father sit in. I guess he wanted my Father to know how screwed up his daughter was. Many times this “doctor” had told me, “You are normal, physically, you just need to get your mind to follow order.” Apparently this guy had no idea what he was doing. During the meeting that my Father sat in for, the doctor told me what was wrong with me. He started off like many doctors to come: “It’s not your fault. You didn’t have a mother in the home. I am diagnosing you with Borderline Personality Disorder and…I’m sorry Mr. Harrison. Lizzy, you have psychopathic tendencies and I am going to suggest that you be put into a Sanitarium. Which you are kind of lucky; there is one about an hour to an hour and a half from here.”“You have to be kidding, Doctor,” my Father never questioned a doctor before. I knew for the first time he was actually worried about me.“Doctor, are you sure? I mean…going to a Sanitarium wasn’t in the plan was it?” I always questioned this doctor. He just didn’t seem credible to me.“Lizzy, you have to go. Your Father will understand in a few days why this is the best I have to offer.”“The best you have to offer,” I was so mad. And to think without Dr. Huh; I wouldn’t have been to able to recognize that feeling. “What the hell treatment is sending me to that nut farm. I’m not crazy. Your crazy for wanting to send me there. Does Harlington give you a check for how many crazies you send there?”“Elizabeth Ann Harrison! You will calm yourself right now. Doctor is there any other treatment you could offer?” My Father the great-baby. Always trying to make sure nothing goes wrong. I never meant for any of this to happen. About ten minutes later, the Doctor and my Father called a cab to take me to Harlington. I was frighten, I mean yeah going there was supposed to help me, but was it really going to. When the cab arrived Dr. Huh paid him to take me all the way to Harlington with no stops what so ever. I was sixteen and already branded: CRAZY!I fell asleep halfway there, I knew this because I awoke and we were there. Sitting in the cab I wanted to melt into the polyester seats. There was this nurse lady looking at me as if I was something special. She opened the door and with a big smile she said, “Well you must Ms. Lizzy Harrison. We have been waiting for you.” You know that feeling you get when something bad is about to happen. I had that feeling from the first moment I saw that lady and when she led me towards the registration office. As we were walking towards the registration office, I noticed all these faces looking at me. I knew from there on, that I was going to be in here a long time. It was really pretty, I mean the buildings were made of red brick with white trim. It reminded me of my grandparents’ house. -More to come, this is all I have right now-